Just Precious

Toasting another 111 years of understanding, love, trust and family

Posted in book responses by Julie Meyers Pron on July 13, 2009

My husband and I celebrated our anniversary this week. Number 9. That’s nine years married, plus the 2 before marriage. 11 years is a lot to commit to one person. So its no surprise that on Wednesday we got a little bit sappy and discussed how lucky we are.

We may not drive the priciest cars, we may not have a huge McMansion or an established estate perched on the top of a mountainside with acres of playspace. But we do have family. And love. And understanding. And trust.

When our first son was born, I slipped into the role of a stay-at-home mom. Leaving my teaching position was easy–I had been looking forward to it yearning for it. But once the baby came I realized just how little I knew about mommying. Forget that I had never changed a diaper. Skip the fact that I disdained babysitting. My degrees in public relations and education were all worth scraps of paper. This baby meant a responsibility and an undying love that I had to learn, from the start with no lessons.

Thankfully my husband was as much a baby-virgin as me. So we learned together. We climbed mountains and nearly broke through ice. And still there are times of frustration, with our kids and with each other. We’ve worked through misunderstandings for 11 years. On Wednesday night we shared enough emotions and feelings that there is no doubt we can work through more for 111 more years.

I asked him if he was jealous of me being a stay-at-home-mom? “Of course,” he responded, he’d love to be home with our kids, getting to participate in their accomplishments, driving carpool, taking them to lessons, advising them, cheering them on, disciplining them. But he also took time to mention how pleased he is with our lives, with our schedule, with who our children are and who we are.

It still happens that he’ll be frustrated with laundry piling or the kitchen floor sticking. He’s blown up at the piles of “organized clutter” on my office desk. And my tears of frustration form each time. He works hard. Really hard. There are days that he leaves the house at 5 am and doesn’t return until midnight or later. And he travels. Sometimes a day trip two hours away, others for a few days down south or to the midwest. He’s not around, I’d argue with his frustration, to know what I “really do all day.” Sure, I’m spending time working on my writing and my boutique. Its a part of me. But I also enteratin, cheer, cook, shop, analyze, and mediate. We may not have a spic-n-span home, but I’m doing my best.

Sometime in the past year his frustrations have calmed. As have my reactions. He jokes that he’s just learned that “this is our life” and that a cluttered office or a sticky floor is just something he’s accepted. Which is fine. And while I’m sure he’s still a part of what Michael Miller refers to in What Happened to the Girl I Married as “the fraternity”–the group of men at work who ponder “what does she do all day?”, I know that he has learned a greater understanding that what I do all day is provide the best I can for our children.

I admitted to him that there are days I dream of going back to work. Not to teaching, but to the many options and opportunities available. In PR! As a *paid* writer! A librarian! Oh! The opportunities! The chance to lock the door behind me for a few hours each week and focus on something besides the kids and the housework and the never-ending to-do list.

But we agree: family, love, trust, understanding: they come first. We’ll work together for the next 111 (and more!) years to ensure our family is cared for, and that we continue to have the love, trust and understanding we have now.

—————-

This post was inspired by Michael Miller’s What Happend to the Girl I Married? the July 2009 book club selection for the SVMoms Group.

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10 Responses

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  1. Bonnie | JustPeachyBabyBlog said, on July 15, 2009 at 10:02 pm

    “there are days I dream of going back to work. Not to teaching, but to the many options and opportunities available. … The chance to lock the door behind me for a few hours each week and focus on something besides the kids and the housework and the never-ending to-do list.

    But we agree: family, love, trust, understanding: they come first.”

    Wow, how wonderful to meet you justprecious! What you just said could’ve come right out of my mouth! It is always in the back of my mind, getting a chance to just decompress and focus on something that can be productive (that day). Raising kids is not a “productive” endeavor, but a nurturing and loving sacrifice, not measured by productivity, but by the love a child feels whether they’re sleeping or awake.

  2. bonggamom said, on July 16, 2009 at 4:49 pm

    What a well thought out, well written post. Sounds a LOT like my life!

  3. Lisa said, on July 16, 2009 at 10:22 pm

    Great post! I also fantasize about returning to work, but I know that I just couldn’t return to my old job in high-tech. Too high stress burnout & my husband works long hours too. So neither one of us would see the kids.

    He works long hours also, so I can relate! Luckily he doesn’t travel as much as before since companies are cutting back.

    I hear ya on the piles of laundry. We have HUGE stacks here LOL!

  4. Linsey Krolik said, on July 17, 2009 at 1:46 am

    It is good to be good with where you are. Cheers to you!

  5. melanie said, on July 17, 2009 at 3:01 pm

    my husband and i have reached a better place as well when we realized that our relationship is more important than the condition of the house. it is a lot easier to do what i do all day when he is understanding and patient with me…

  6. Michael said, on July 17, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    Thanks for taking the time to read the book. Congratulations on celebrating 9 years! I wished I had the insight your husband has 10 years ago, but I guess the important thing is that I got there before it was too late. My wife Linda and I are going on 20 years and our relationship has never been better. Thanks again for your insights and best of luck to both of you.

  7. Musing from Me said, on July 17, 2009 at 9:26 pm

    I’m in your shoes the SAHM in charge of the day-to-day schlepping. Here’s my take on the clean house. When I go in one, I always wonder why there are no toys, books scattered about? Why is it tidy? No playing or fun in these houses. Lived in = loved in … not to be sappy. really I’m the least sappy person!

  8. Amy said, on August 21, 2009 at 2:10 am

    I too am a SAHM and my husband gets very frustrated with clutter or piles of laundry. He understands that our daughter is my main “job”, but it still causes frustration for him. He is a very hard worker – works full time, works over time, and goes to school part time to purse his MBA.

  9. […] at Just Precious shares what makes her marriage not perfect, but just right especially after 11 […]

  10. […] at Just Precious shares what makes her marriage not perfect, but just right especially after 11 […]


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